那就不客气了,帮你改改。


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送交者: fuzzify 于 2007-01-22, 16:09:04:

回答: 试译崔健的《最后一枪》 由 eddie 于 2007-01-22, 15:03:20:

总的来说,翻译得很好。

I got tears, but without sorrow => I got tears, but I was not sad. 这样似乎更加押韵一些?

时态是否应该一致:(考虑到下文有I have only got one thing to say)
Don’t know how much, how many words I have yet to say
Don’t know how much, how many pleasures I have yet to enjoy (enjoy what, need to translate 欢乐 here)
Don’t know how many, how many people who are like me
Don’t know how many, how many last shots there have been

Lying in this warm earth => "in" should be "on".

With morning dews, sunsets, and flowers blossoming (This could be translated better, but I don't time for this now)

Oh, I have only got one thing to say:
Keep on in this world =>
Oh oh, only one sentence, to remain in this world.
(need to keep the ambiguity from the original poem here. :-)





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  • 原文是“安睡在。。。上,”Sleeping calmly on this warm earth 应该更好一些? - fuzzify (50 bytes) 2007-01-22, 16:38:30 (122108)