Conversation With a Living Buddha

we talked to one of the well known religious leaders of our time, Mr Li of Fa Lun Gong.

We: let's start with your main thesis, that we can improve our life by breathing exercises.
He: that's obvious; if you stop breathing, you die; if you can breath forever, you live forever; bad breathing gives bad life; good breathing good life.
We: is that why breathing can save us from the end of the world?
He: sure; if the world ends, we all stop breathing; but if breathing continues, then the world has not ended.
We: since the world will end, do you plan to give away all your money?
He: no, but people have been giving money to me.
We: why would a living buddha need money?
He: you can promote many good causes with money.
We: such as?
He: I have started Wan Lo Gong, to help beautiful women of the world find husbands; we guarantee success.
We: now that's impressive; can I join?
He: sorry; members must be below 29 years in age, height between 5'2" and 5'6", and pass a good looks and nice personality test; I dont think you qualify...
We: I also heard about Shou Xing Gong; is that another one of your societies?
He: oh yes; join and you'll live forever.
We: what do members have to do to achieve this, besides breathing forever?
He: eat forever; we have different branches like Tom Yum Gong, Mi Tian Gong and Mo Yum Gong...
We: but Mi Tian Gong? that means in Mandarin... (throws up on the Living Buddha, which brings the interview to an end)