我的X档案 ----（十六---大结局）

明天就要去爬雪山了。我决定找她谈下。
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我说起等我回中国了怎么办。她说她会来中国找我，我们还可以继续是朋友。
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临别已是午夜二点，我笑了：I kicked the ball to you, and you kicked the ball off. We are great couple.

回到家，我决定给她写个email。

Dear X:

sorry I pick the ball back.

These days I felt so bad, really bad.
I am not a person that would feel bad so easily.
I hate this feeling.

I am not feeling bad because of the strong affection that now I have towards you.
I enjoy that and it makes me feel great.
I am so proud that you appreciate me.
I really value the time being together with you.
But behind this is my deep feeling of guilty. I have to admit. I lied to you that I never felt guilty. I lied to myself.
If I didn't lie to myself, I can't bring myself to you each onsen, each camping, and your room.
Tonight I suddenly feel myself so false, like a coward.
I hate this feeling.

Just as "November rain" goes, when I look into your eyes, I can see your love restrained.
I am restrained when I kiss you, touch you, everything.
I think you feel the same.
I hate this restrained feeling.

I didn't write this letter to repeat an end-up or something like farewell.
I just want to tell you my feeling when I still have the courage now. Tell you things I hide so deep before you.
Yes I love you. And I am a person that always love full-heartedly, I know myself.
But I don't have such right to give my love to you, even I really want to do it.

Yes you are independent, you make decision by you own.
I know you are such kind of people, and I appreciate your way of independency.
But you’d better get yourself a love not so restrained, a real good love.
Please find another; please do not go out with a married man any longer.
These things that are pleasing us today will hurt us tomorrow.
I hate to think that you will get hurt because of me, even it's your own decision.

So
can we be friends? Just being friends? Like most of the Hi and Bye friends.
Of course we can.
Of course….

Y

二天后，NHK晚7点滚动新闻。
今日下午二点，5名外国登山者在长野朝日岳向主峰攀登过程中遭遇雪崩，其中4名获救，来自中国的Y君目前下落未明。
……
-------The end