送交者: xj 于 2005-8-31, 15:45:35:
回答: rewritten in not so bookish english 由 viscan 于 2005-8-31, 09:43:38:
can't believe the sample one is given by a Chinese English professor.
A couple questions:
>> A girl just graduated from college went to interview for an accountant position.
I never heard of "go to interview." should be "go for an interview," "was in an interview", or was interviewed for... It seems to me the interview process is ongoing.
My version: a fresh female college graduate was in an interview for an accountant posistion.
>> She was immediately turned down as that company wanted to hire one with much working experience.
"That company" sounds weird. Further, a person "with much working experience" is a senior accountant, as the Chinese version required. There is some redundency here.
My version: She was immediately turned down as the company wanted to hire a senior accountant.
>> Not quite discouraged, the girl asked the interviewer, “Please at least give me a chance in the written exam."
Based on the Chinese version,
Instead of leaving dejectedly, she pled with the interviewer, "Please at least give me a chance to take the written exam."
>>the interviewer was pursuaded by the earnest of the girl and agreed to let her take the written exam.
I think the jiangxh's version is the best.
Unable to dissuade her, the interviewer allowed her to do so.
>> It so happened that the girl passed the written exam and got the top score.
Maybe: It so happened that the girl passed the written exam with the highest score.
>> Then she went to the human resources manager of the company for the final interview.
Maybe:
Then she proceeded to a final interview with the human resources manager.
>> The HR manager was impressed about her written exam score.
The HR manager was impressed by her written exam score.
>>But the girl said frankly she had no working experience, and the only relevent bookkeeping experience was as an accountant for the students' congress in college.
Maybe:
However, the girl told him frankly that she had no relevent experience except for being a student accountant in the students' congression in the college, which disappointed the manager.
>> Somewhat disappointed, the HR manager wrapped up the interview session and said“We will let you know when you shall be given the job.”
Based on the Chinese version:
the manager had nothing more to say and wrapped up the interview session, “That's all for today. We will let you know if anything comes up.”
>> The girl got up and produced from her pocket one yuan, which she handed to the manager with both hands.
Maybe:
The girl got up on her feet, produced one yuan from her pocket, and handed it to the manager with both hands.
>>“Please call me whether I am hired or not,” she said to the HR manager.
Maybe more politely: "Would you please call me whether I am hired or not?" she asked the manager.
>> The latter was surprised, “How do you know we will not call those who are not hired?”
Maybe: the latter was stunned but recovered momentally, "how on earth do you know we will not call those whom we rejected?"
>>“Just now you said you will call me if I shall be given the job. This is to say that you won't phone those who are not given the job.”
Maybe: "You just said that you will call me if I shall be given the job. That means you won't call those who are not given the job."
>> The manager seemed to be interested by the girl and asked,
Maybe: The manager became interested in this girl and asked again,
>> “What would you like us to tell you if you are not given the job?“
>>“I would like to know in what respect I fail to meet the requirement for this position, so that I can make further improvement.
>> As for the one yuan, I mean to pay for phone call as it is not the liability of the company to pay for calling those who will not be hired. Please make sure to call me.”
Maybe: The one yuan is for the phone call because it may not be the liability of the company to pay for calling the rejected applicants. Please do call me.”
>> The manager smiled and said, “Please take back the one yuan. I would not call you because I want to inform you formerly that you are hired. You can come to work tomorrow.”
The manager smiled and said, “Please take it back. I will not call you because I am now informing you that you are officially hired. You can come to work tomorrow.”
>> Thus, with just one yuan the girl knocked open the door of opportunity.
Thus, with just one yuan, the girl knocked open the door of opportunity.